36 Things
What I’ve learned about Paris in 36 years
Bonjour dear readers,
I turned 36 in late January—an event that called for some reflection in more ways than one. For me, birthdays have always been moments for taking stock, for pausing to consider what I’ve learned after another trip around the sun. Paris has been my home for nearly four years, but my relationship with this city began long before that: as a teenager from Louisiana spending summers in France; then as a university student; and now as a permanent resident. Like an onion, Paris reveals itself in slow layers. What follows is a collection of insights—both good and bad—on my relationship with this endlessly complex city, one for each year I’ve been alive.
1. French bureaucracy is a full-on contact sport for which I’ll never feel adequately trained. Most Parisians are equally bewildered by it.
2. Walking into a boulangerie and getting a baguette straight out of the oven is one of life’s most wonderful simple pleasures.
3. Parisian life runs on alphabet soup: URSSAF, RATP, EDF, SNCF. These letters are everywhere, and they drive me crazy.
4. Butter makes everything better. This isn’t just culinary advice; it’s a way of life.
5. Café terrasses aren’t just for drinking coffee. They’re the city’s best seats for people-watching.
6. In the City of Love, heartbreak feels sharper. With constant reminders of romance—seemingly everyone here is en couple—a broken heart stings more deeply.
7. After 14 years in New York, the Parisian metro is a revelation: clean, fast, and easy to navigate.
8. Parisian body language is an art form. A single eye roll or shrug can tell you everything you need to know.
9. Banking here is like navigating a maze. Online purchases are an elaborate ritual, requiring multiple authentication steps, SMS codes, and beaucoup de patience.
10. The dark, gray winter days that stretch into weeks create a particular Parisian melancholy that no amount of artificial light or exercise can fully dispel.
11. August isn’t a month—it’s an exodus. The city belongs to tourists and those who couldn’t escape. I love August in Paris, because the city is all mine.
12. Finding your trusted neighborhood baker, butcher, and cheese monger is perhaps more important than finding a general practitioner.
13. Paris can feel incredibly lonely. Parisians aren’t prone to small talk, and striking up a conversation with a stranger can feel like a social transgression. The expat community is tight-knit—a lifeline of shared experience—but even there the connections can feel delicate and performative.
14. Parisians are judgmental about accents. My bilingual French matters less than how I sound. My slight accent (Belgian? Swiss?) is a linguistic puzzle locals love to solve.
15. Sometimes the city is so beautiful, it physically hurts: the shimmering light on building façades; narrow cobblestone streets; bridges poised over the Seine.
16. Despite my tiny apartment, Paris makes me feel like I have more than enough.
17. Springtime in Paris is magic. The city feels like it’s apologizing for the long, gray winter with sunshine, trees in full bloom, and terrasses filled with people.
18. The easiest way to start a conversation is to complain about apartment issues. Everyone has a horror story about leaks, mold, or broken appliances.
19. The Right Bank vs. Left Bank debate is quintessentially Parisian. I’m a Right Banker, and not only because I live here. The Right Bank is unpredictable, authentic, and always alive.
20. Paris might be the only global city where walking slowly isn’t just accepted, it’s an art.
21. Always carry a book. It’s both a shield against unwanted conversation and, in this literary city, an invitation to the right one.
22. Living in Paris, I’ve learned that nostalgia isn’t just a feeling, but a constant companion, even for places that still exist.
23. In a city of strict social codes and boundaries, parks are one of the few places where Parisians let their guard down, just a little. An afternoon nap on a bench, shoes off under a tree, a glance from across a fountain.
24. Finding a bathroom requires strategy. My go-to: buy a €1.50 café noisette at a brasserie and politely ask for the toilettes.
25. Stumbling into a protest after exiting the metro is just another day in Paris.
26. The most authentic Parisian experience is sitting by the Seine with very cheap wine and very expensive cheese.
27. Sunday isn’t a day of rest. It’s a day of anxiety spent figuring out what’s open and what’s closed.
28. Each arrondissement is a mini city within a city. When I ask Parisians which neighborhood they’re from, I often learn more about them than long conversations might reveal.
29. Rain in Paris isn’t just weather. It’s a mood that seeps into your bones (and, if you’re unlucky, your walls).
30. With Parisians, “non” usually means “tell me more.”
31. Some nights, the moon turns the city into a glowing landscape. It’s a source of relief during Paris’s never-ending winter darkness.
32. Friendships with Parisians often start with mutual complaints.
33. Life here is measured through small, precious rituals: the same afternoon café, an evening glass of wine, buying vegetables at the market every Saturday morning.
34. There’s a particular homesickness you can feel for Paris while still living here, like a longing for the city you first romanticized.
35. I don’t think I’ll ever feel truly Parisian, but after 36 years of life, Paris has become a part of me that I’ll never fully shed.
36. In Paris, watching a beautiful orange-and-blue sunset can (temporarily) fix many problems.
À bientôt,
—Victorine
I met an elderly Parisienne woman in Southern California. Del Mar to be exact. She had lived there for 20 years. I said ‘is this your home? Or are you still Parisienne?’ She said California is her home. Not Paris anymore. I said ‘that is the difference. Here you can live here five years and you are home. Paris you can live there forty years and you will still be an outsider.’
Absolutely loved this, Victorine! Happy 36th, and congratulations on 4 years in Paris. To many more for both! 🥂